Library Sex Is One Porn Trend We’d Like to Throw the Book At

We here at Mandatory love books. We also love free stuff. Hence our affinity for libraries, aka the source for things to read when you’re broke. But some people have taken our sacred literary sanctuaries and are turning them into dens of iniquity. Literally.

According to Mel magazine, there’s a rash of library porn infecting the internet. It all started late last year when an “adult film performer” called “Ellie Eilish” filmed a 10-minute porn video at the Santa Monica Library’s Ocean Park Branch while it was open to the public.

“[It’s] silent and, like, judgement free,” Eilish said in the video as she and a male counterpart strolled toward the library. “Just knowledge.” Once inside, they had sex on the carpet sex, she noted nearby reading material and exclaimed, “Fitzgerald!” then proceeded to give the man a blow job. He concluded the video by saying, “Mission accomplished!” (Which tells us he’s the kind of guy who only uses the library for movie rentals.)

Library sex is illegal, in case you were wondering, though watching porn in a library is sometimes permitted. Still, the adults-only sites that initially posted Eilish’s video have since removed it because apparently even porn sites have limits. But that hasn’t stopped others from mimicking the style of smut Eilish made popular. Pornhub boasts more than 1 million views on its top “library” search result and its catalog includes titles like Please Don’t Grab My Ass in the Library and My Little Bookworm.

While we understand the allure of smashing in the stacks – it’s so quiet, books are sexy, and librarians are stereotyped as restrained taskmasters in need of release – we’d like to throw the book at those who use public libraries for tawdry means. We beg of you, please, leave this one place holy. As the saying goes, “Having fun isn’t hard when you’ve got a library card!” But leave your hard-ons at home.

Cover Photo: PBNJ Productions (Getty Images)

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